Background

In our times, women seem to have a much easier time than men when it comes to defining their sexual identity. It almost appears as if there were no problem here at all for them. A modern lady might express her attraction to another female, she might even "experiment" with lesbianism, and needn't fear that her innermost being was jeopardized. (I am talking of instances where the woman still looks toward men for life partnership).

To be sure, I am committing a gross injustice here. Of course there are anxieties associated with sexual experimentation. However, the situation for men is such that, even a single instance of homosexuality, is sufficient to cast a good part of their identity into doubt. The reasons I suspect for this difference I will address later.

Paradoxically, at least since Freud, and in all probability much earlier, we have known that males and females have some degree of an innate bisexuality. To differing degrees, all "straight" men have engaged in homoerotic fantasy. I would assume that "gay" men might on occasion feel attracted to some female. Sexual orientation is not a metaphysical attribute, but a generalization of a predominant tendency.

Turning the focus on myself, I can say that for the most part I have been interested in girls. However, from quite early on another desire reached consciousness. Namely, a fascination with boys. This developed rather unevenly and slowly. Before I even knew what gay meant, I knew it was negative: an insult to be uttered at someone you disliked. Somewhere along the line I learned that I shouldn't ever look at a naked male, but avert my eyes lest he think I was checking him out. I never really did get a chance to see a man in his nakedness throughout my adolescence. I carried around a prejudice that a male body was something unsavory and unpleasant to see.

I was in for quite a shock then when I could see cocks on late night television, or when I caught a glimpse of my friend's dick. I was enthralled, so naturally I recorded a segment with male nudity on a VHS tape, the situation with my friend, on the other hand, was periodic. I still felt impelled to look the other way when his penis was exposed, but believe me, I pined to give it a proper look. To this day, I don't think I've seen a more handsome cock than his. I didn't know a dick could actually be cute until this time. I thought about it regularly from then on while masturbating.

Along with the VHS, I went to a local bookstore and bought a book of male nude photography. These were surefire means to achieve orgasm when jerking off. Looking over the photos, I came to admire the entire male body. This entailed the abdominal muscles, the chest, shoulders, thighs, and above all the butt. A well-defined ass on a man is a marvel. I still prefer the shape of a well proportioned female booty, but a guy's butt is not very far behind. The reason I am going over all this is to demonstrate that while I used to assume a man's body was displeasing to the eye, I now knew that it could be a very beautiful thing indeed. Though quite contrary to the feminine aesthetic, the masculine had its own excellence.

Accompanying these new insights, I knew deep down that I could enjoy gay sex. The way in which I found the penis arousing, left no doubt that I wanted to feel it, and indeed to put it in my mouth. This realization was a source of anxiety, but also made things that more interesting.

The final piece came together as the internet spawned its seemingly infinite web of pornography. I came across this woman who calls herself Britney (formerly of chicktrainer, now of cumtrainer), and this wonderful woman has a prodigious talent for cock sucking and cum swallowing. For instance, she was renowned for a while for thawing forty frozen cum loads and drinking it out of a large glass. What impressed me most of all, however, was the ecstasy visible on her face while semen entered her mouth to be swallowed. In a very short interval, I knew that I wanted to be a cum slut too (that's what Britney sometimes calls herself). I started swallowing my own, but it was soon apparent what I really needed was another guy's semen straight from the cock.

This may sound like it was leading to a first experience, but it wasn't. Most of the time I was able to downplay my fantasies as insubstantial. This coincided with my college years, during which they never really went away. In fact, I began collecting gay pornography, a section of which I found irresistibly arousing. Soon, I became used to watching men perform oral and anal sex. Of course, I was always on the lookout for a scene that ended in cum swallowing. At last, I could see the guys get a chance to taste the seed; it always bothered me that women appeared to have a monoply on the substance. That, of course, was false and men are just as capable and enthusiastic to get a mouthful as the women.

Keeping this history in mind, I must conclude I both want and practically need cock in my life. I've already stated that I enjoy the sight of (some) dicks, and that this leads naturally to a desire for sucking that is another highly appealing element to me. Lastly, while being fully aroused, I'll be able to guide the ejaculation of sperm into my mouth. Personally, this is the most important result of orgasm: that the semen is allowed to be savored for at least a moment. I'm not under the illusion that cum is always naturally delicious, but I have heard from reliable sources that it can be actually very tasty. Regardless, I assert it should be given some sort of tasting before it is swallowed (or spitted if you're so inclined).

This is a good place to stop for now, although there is much more I need to discuss. The great lesson which I must learn from this is that cock is my friend. I don't know why I was brought up in the company of my peers to form such antipathy towards the very sight of a penis that wasn't my own. To take a coherent stance on this issue I must believe the opposite; I must say:

I love cock!